To be completely truthful and ingenuous I think people pleasing is such a losing battle. As I am typing this I'm reminded of a lyric from a Billie Eilish song Happier Than Ever she says "when I'm away from you I'm happier than ever, wish I could explain it better..." it just shows you don't always have to be surrounded by people or lovers to make you feel loved or happy. You can love yourself too.
When we focus on self-love and self-solicitousness rather than trying to get others to love you, you built your self-esteem and break any codependent ideals and habits so you can form a much more healthier, happier and prosperous relationship - with yourself and others.
Awhile back I made a video on my YouTube channel about how to love yourself. And to be quite frank I did not understand what it really meant to love myself. It took me four months to figure out what it really meant. I have finally reached a point where I am satisfied with the love and care I have shown myself over these few months.
What does I mean to love yourself? And how do you actually love yourself? For numerous reasons, many of us find it easier to love others than to love ourselves. Sometimes we’re truly awful to ourselves. We subject ourselves to harsh inner critics, unhealthy relationships, self-mutilation and toxic substances. I know it is easy to dwell on your own perceived incompleteness. But regardless of the reasons for your lack of self-love, it is time to start caring for yourself and treating yourself with the same type of love you give to others.
I'd also want to remind you that loving yourself isn't selfish, as many fear. Not only does it ameliorate your relationship with yourself, but its shows others how to love you. You are the one person that you will always be with. So it's important that you enjoy your own company, can trust yourself, and identify your superior qualities.
Remember your relationship with yourself is the most important and the longest relationship. If you can stare at yourself in the mirror for more than ten seconds that's good if cannot. Then you need to work on loving and appreciating yourself. It's worth spending the time and effort to develop a more loving relationship with yourself.
Below, is my list of the best 22 ways to love yourself. Many of these ways are really simple and uncomplicated. Some are perplexing. You don't have to use all of these ideas, but you'll find many overlap and work politely together. Find what resonates with you more and use them.
22 Ways to love yourself
1. Know yourself. It's totally impossible to love yourself if you do not even know who you are. You have to invest in discovering what you believe, like and value.
Read more about getting to know yourself: 26 Questions to Help You Know Yourself Better.
2. Learn to say "no" sometimes. Boundaries are an essential form of self-care because they let others know that you deserve and expect their respect.
3. Do not compare yourself to others. Comparison was never a good thing, especially when we compare ourselves to others. And guess what others aren't better or worse, more or less than you. They're just different. You have merit just as you are and accepting yourself means there is no need for comparisons.
4. Be totally present. Our lives are full of interruptions. Many of these things are enjoyable and worthwhile, but they can be draining and keep us from truly knowing and being ourselves.
5. Know and use your strengths. We all have huge gifts, but many of them goes unnoticed. Focusing on your strengths will increase your positive feelings for yourself.
6. Give yourself a treat, even if you don't deserve it. When you feeling you don't deserve to treat yourself that is the perfect time to give yourself one. This will allow you to actually know why do you think you did not deserve that treat? It will give you some perspective on what to work on yourself. And unlike a reward it does not have to be earned. Be good to yourself by giving yourself treats "just because".
7. Be completely honest with yourself. Some of us is so good at self-deception that we don't even know we're doing it. Being honest with yourself is the key, and just honesty is general is the key in any relationship and your relationship with yourself is no different.
Clearly we are all a little messed up, but you can't love your entire messy self if you're lying, or making excuses. True self-love means taking responsibility and being obedient.
8. Forgive yourself for mistakes and imperfections. You're hard on yourself. You are probably harder on yourself than anyone else. Cut yourself some slack and embrace your humanness. And that is we all make mistakes, but what do we do afterwards we learn and grow from those mistakes. Even if you the same mistakes twice or let's say even three times, the fourth time or fifth time you will get it right. Trust me I know
9. Work on forgiving yourself on bigger things. Sometimes we are holding onto bigger regrets or bad behavior. Self-forgiveness is a process of bit by bit believing you truly did the best you could at the time. And that today you can do better, of course. Hindsight really is 20/20, which is why it is completely unjust to judge your past self with the knowledge you have now. It just shows you that "when we know better, we do better"
10. Accept that some people will never like you. That's right, some folks don't like you and that is O.K. Don't waste your time trying to please everyone or those people who are impossible to please or people that aren't that important to you. It's a waste of energy and time.
11. Make fun a priority. Put something fun on your schedule or agenda every week. Don't neglect or cancel it because you have too much work to do or your kid needs help with a school report. I am not saying neglect your kids. All I am saying is do not make excuses, we all need fun in order to feel good. DON'T skimp on this important need.
12. Practice a little gratitude. Gratitude is one of the simplest ways to focus on the good in yourself and in your life. Try to identify three things that you're most grateful for when you wake up every morning.
13. Write down your successes. This will create a record of your accomplishments (big or small) that you can re-read whenever you are feeling low and unmotivated. Add to it and read your list on a daily or maybe every second day for the maximum benefit stretch this process out and incorporate it into your daily routine.
14. Feel your feelings, feel your emotions. Our feelings are an internal part of who we are. You are not being an authentic person without acknowledging and feeling all your feelings and emotions.
Don't shy away from uncomfortable feelings like anger, resentment and sadness. If you deny them you deny this part of yourself. Allow yourself to express them in a healthy and respectful way. I am for crying out loud literally if you want to cry out loud do it. YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.
15. Take care of your body. Good health is priceless, Give yourself the gift of feeling physically well - exercise regularly, eat healthy, drink your water and most importantly get 7-8 hours of sleep and limit the alcohol or other drugs.
16. Take up a hobby. Hobbies can be fun, relaxing creative social challenging, educational and athletic. So even if 99 or 10 years old pursue a hobby. As you can see, different hobbies meet different needs for us. Find something that meets your needs and do it!
17. Stand up more for yourself. Like boundaries, being confident is a way of showing others that your opinions and needs matter. Loving yourself means you need to know your value and can communicate it to others. Without having to argue.
18. Write yourselves and email, and schedule it for 10 years from now. I know this is a hard assignment, but you will thank me in ten years. This is a great way to challenge yourself and identify the things you like about yourself. and where do see yourself in ten years. But also this is your younger self telling your older self what you will need to hear.
19. Ask for help when you need it. I know from personal experience we can all be a little proud sometimes, but asking for help when you it isn't such a bad thing. In fact it is the best thing you ca ever do because now not only do you see what your weaknesses are but you will figure out how to work on improving them. Recognizing when you need help isn't a weakness. It's human, we all need a little help at times.
20. Speak with more of a kindness to yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a loved one. Do not cut yourself down, call yourself names or criticize yourself that's low even for yourself.
21. Surround yourself with those who treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. Who you spend time with reflects how you feel about yourself. It's like that saying "show me your friends and I will you your future". But in this instance I can tell how you feel about yourself. People who feel worthy and deserving will surround them with people that makes them feel worth something and show that they deserve to be there. Sometimes loving yourself also means you have to end relationships with emotionally abusive, or unkind people.
22. Allow yourself an intermission. Are you always busy, busy, busy? I know I am so it is time to slow down and allow your body and mind to rest. You don't have to do it all. PRIORITIZE what matters most and let go of any guilt you might have about saying "NO!". Rest is revitalization and renewal and a basic form of self care.
So with that being said, which of these ideas will you try? I recommend starting with the activities the seems the easiest to you. And then working your way up to the more harder ones. (It's very important to set yourself up for success when you start something new)
Practice one or two self-love and self-care activities for a week or even two and then try one more challenging ways for yourself. You can build your collection of self-love activities over time. And as you practice and build them into your routine, they will feel more familiar and natural and won't take as much thought and effort.
If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else - RuPaul
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. I'm so proud of you Henry good job 😘